So, it turns out I've kind of been in this country illegally. When I went to extend my visa, they noticed that I had neglected to register with the local police station after my visit home at Christmas. Which, yeah, was about six months ago. In my defense, no one even so much as hinted to me that this might be necessary. Indeed, a casual poll of the professors and administrators in my office has revealed mass ignorance of this apparently critical national law.
As I write this, a plump woman bureaucrat is sitting in her air conditioned glass office thinking up a suitable punishment for me. I'm looking forward to hearing the results of her musings. Will I get to experience the inside of a Chinese prison? Enjoy a few days of forced manual labor? Or, more likely, will they try to squeeze every last penny out of this poor American in the form of an unreasonably large fine?
In the spirit of my new status as an international criminal, last night I snuck into a scenic park after hours, by scaling a 15 foot high stone wall and scrambling over a tall, extremely rusty metal fence. (Not a chain link fence, by the way. That would be too easy. Hopping this fence required the assistance of a nearby pine tree and a leg up from my partner in crime.) We braved giant screaming crickets, feral cats, and low flying bats to hack our way to the top of the mountain, where we enjoyed Jinan's nightscape ("hey look! you can't see the pollution!") before quietly slipping out a side gate.
At least now I have some practice if it turns out I need to spend my remaining three months here on the lam.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sweet Summer
With temperatures regularly breaking 100 degrees Fahrenheit, humidity close to 100 percent, and no outdoor swimming facilities,
Pretty, no?
Moreover, my years of complaining about the over-air conditioned Harvard buildings are officially over. Most campus spaces do not have air conditioning, but those that do keep the temperature at a cool 78. This is both to save money on electricity, and to protect our qi, because anyone who knows anything about traditional Chinese medicine will tell you that severe changes in temperature are bad for your blood.
I am lucky enough to have air conditioning in my room, which has made me quite popular among the Chinese students, who don’t have air conditioning. To beat the heat, they have developed certain innovative summertime habits. For example, at night they sleep on a mat of smooth bamboo. Not only does this keep them cool, but it eliminates the problem of sweaty sheets. Less laundry!
In addition, when in the dorms, both male and female students alike regularly walk around completely naked. (As a side note, this has answered once and for all the question of why Chinese dorms are gender segregated.) Indeed, this behavior is so common that one of my friends proposed that the following sign be posted on the entrance to her dorm: “Non-Nude Forbidden to Enter”.
I love summer, don’t you?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
How to Get Around
To travel from point A to point B in Jinan, I have three choices: walk, take a cab, or take a bus. (The underground springs make a subway system impossible, and I'd be way too scared to ride a bike here even if I had one.) So let's take a closer look at my options.
Option 1: Walk
A lot of people in this country can't afford cars, so you'd think they'd be somewhat pedestrian friendly. Yeah, well, they're not. Consider this: You know how pedestrian crossing signs generally have a lit up image of a person walking to indicate that it's safe to cross? Well here? That person is running. For his life.
Pedestrian versus car incidents are common, and the pedestrian always loses. Many of the foreigners on campus have had their feet run over by passing cars. I have witnessed my fair share of accidents, and let me tell you, they are NOT pretty. The worst? A small child dashing across the street was hit, knocked down, and then run over.
Have I mentioned I refuse to cross the street alone?
Option 2: Drive
Cars are the bullies of the road here, and are afforded a certain amount of respect. Even the traffic laws seem to coddle them: The traffic lights turn yellow before they turn green, basically the Chinese way of saying "On your mark...get set..."
Most Chinese drivers fall into the "aggressive driver" category. There seems to be an unspoken understanding that two lane roads should always be turned into four lane roads. Car horns are regularly used as a warning: "Watch it! I'm coming! Get outta the way!" And speed limits are mere suggestions. My cab driver the other day was going 110 mph in a 50 mph zone. And yes, I do mean miles per hour.
To add to the excitement, seatbelts are scorned in this country. Drivers routinely get insulted if I buckle up, and the dust marks the seatbelts leave on my clothing attest to the fact that I'm pretty much the only one who ever uses them. And actually, you only get a seatbelt if you're sitting in the front. Passengers in the back just have to pray.
Option 3: Bus
Chinese buses are big, so they don't get bullied by the tiny city cars that dart around everywhere. And they're cheap and plentiful, so you can generally find one that'll take you where you want to go. Sounds good eh?
There are a few obvious downsides to busing it. One is that Chinese buses are super crowded, so don't even think about getting a seat. A regular sized bus is usually packed with over 100 passengers, so in all likelihood, you'll be squished up against a stranger. And that stranger may be a pickpocket, so watch your cell phone.
A bigger downside to taking the bus, though, is that the bus mechanics are not necessarily the greatest. You know how the Chinatown buses in the U.S. are rumored to catch on fire and stuff? Well, this is China! Think about how much worse it is here! Just a couple of weeks ago a bus in Sichuan exploded and something like 27 people died. The emergency exit was jammed and the axes you're supposed to use to break the windows had been stolen, so people were stuck inside as the bus burned. Not the way I wanna go.
So...in light of these choices, who votes for me never leaving the quiet safety of the university campus?
Option 1: Walk
A lot of people in this country can't afford cars, so you'd think they'd be somewhat pedestrian friendly. Yeah, well, they're not. Consider this: You know how pedestrian crossing signs generally have a lit up image of a person walking to indicate that it's safe to cross? Well here? That person is running. For his life.
Pedestrian versus car incidents are common, and the pedestrian always loses. Many of the foreigners on campus have had their feet run over by passing cars. I have witnessed my fair share of accidents, and let me tell you, they are NOT pretty. The worst? A small child dashing across the street was hit, knocked down, and then run over.
Have I mentioned I refuse to cross the street alone?
Option 2: Drive
Cars are the bullies of the road here, and are afforded a certain amount of respect. Even the traffic laws seem to coddle them: The traffic lights turn yellow before they turn green, basically the Chinese way of saying "On your mark...get set..."
Most Chinese drivers fall into the "aggressive driver" category. There seems to be an unspoken understanding that two lane roads should always be turned into four lane roads. Car horns are regularly used as a warning: "Watch it! I'm coming! Get outta the way!" And speed limits are mere suggestions. My cab driver the other day was going 110 mph in a 50 mph zone. And yes, I do mean miles per hour.
To add to the excitement, seatbelts are scorned in this country. Drivers routinely get insulted if I buckle up, and the dust marks the seatbelts leave on my clothing attest to the fact that I'm pretty much the only one who ever uses them. And actually, you only get a seatbelt if you're sitting in the front. Passengers in the back just have to pray.
Option 3: Bus
Chinese buses are big, so they don't get bullied by the tiny city cars that dart around everywhere. And they're cheap and plentiful, so you can generally find one that'll take you where you want to go. Sounds good eh?
There are a few obvious downsides to busing it. One is that Chinese buses are super crowded, so don't even think about getting a seat. A regular sized bus is usually packed with over 100 passengers, so in all likelihood, you'll be squished up against a stranger. And that stranger may be a pickpocket, so watch your cell phone.
A bigger downside to taking the bus, though, is that the bus mechanics are not necessarily the greatest. You know how the Chinatown buses in the U.S. are rumored to catch on fire and stuff? Well, this is China! Think about how much worse it is here! Just a couple of weeks ago a bus in Sichuan exploded and something like 27 people died. The emergency exit was jammed and the axes you're supposed to use to break the windows had been stolen, so people were stuck inside as the bus burned. Not the way I wanna go.
So...in light of these choices, who votes for me never leaving the quiet safety of the university campus?
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Great Wall
I'd heard of the great wall, of course, but it was only about a month ago that I realized how strong it is.I'm referring, of course, to The Great Firewall. Instead of keeping out the Northern Barbarians who threatened the empire under imperial rule, the Great Firewall aims to keep out Western Barbarian news sources, and anything else on the internet that threatens to disprove Communist Party propoganda.
I bring this up because government censorship is why this site has lain dormant lately. Anything hosted on Blogspot - including my innocent little blog - has blocked since mid-May. The only way I'm able to post this now is because I am sneaky and clever.
The sudden internet crackdown was strategically timed to coincide with the 20th anniversary of a certain government attack on college students (ahem),
But never fear! My vacation is over and I have lots of new and oh-so-insightful observations to share, and I'm not going to let some stuffed shirts working for the Party spoil all the fun.
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