Culture shock

These past two weeks have been a crash course in Chinese culture. Let me share a few new habits that I've taken up since moving here:

1. Long lunches
The Chinese take lunch at 11:30, at which time many of them leave the office to go home and take a rest. The office is pretty much dead until 1:30 or 2, when people start to trickle back. I have wholeheartedly embraced this tradition, and spend an hour or so lazing around my room after eating.

2. Squatting
I've already mentioned how Chinese bathrooms don't provide toilet paper, soap, or paper towels. They also don't provide a seat. The toilet is simply a porcelain hole in the ground, with handy-dandy treads for your feet to prevent slippage. And also? The toilet paper goes into a little trash can in the stall instead of getting flushed.



3. Lying
The Chinese are very polite, and don't like to tell you how they're really feeling. I'm working hard to learn this fine art, but it's difficult. I made up a little quiz based on my own experiences to see how you would fare interacting with Chinese friends.

It's Monday night. You just spent a nice hour hanging out with some friends in a coffee shop, but you still need to shower and do laundry before bed, and it's getting late. You're getting tired. As if on cue, your friend asks you if you're tired. Do you reply:
a) "Yeah, a little bit. Let's call it a night - this was really fun!"
b) "No no! Not at all!"
c) "I'm exhausted. Do you mind if I head out early?"

It's Saturday afternoon. You and your friends just spent all day walking around, and now you're all on a crowded bus heading home. There are no seats left, and you have to stand. Your feet are killing you, and you would do anything to sit down. At the next stop, a seat opens up right in front of you. Do you:
a) Sit down immediately and heave a sigh of relief.
b) Offer it to your friend first, and only sit when she says she doesn't mind standing.
c) Insist that you want to stand so you can stretch your legs, and refuse to sit down.

If you answered (b) and (c), respectively, then congratulations! You're a China expert! Please come visit me and teach me how to be like you!

4. Slurping
I've been eating a lot of Chinese noodles, since they're one of only a few vegetarian options in the dining hall. Have you ever tried to eat noodles with chopsticks? Try it sometime. You'll find it's not as easy as you might think. In fact, it can be a slow and messy process if done incorrectly. After careful observation, I have determined the best noodle eating method.
Step 1: Hunch low over the bowl.
Step 2: Shovel a mouthful of noodles into your mouth.
Step 3: Slurp loudly and vigorously to ensure that the entirety of each noodle is consumed in the same mouthful.
Repeat as necessary.
Once you get over the fact that everyone in the room will know that you are eating noodles, this is actually quite fun.

5. Drinking hot water
Because Chinese tap water is disgustingly dirty and not fit for human consumption, the Chinese boil it before drinking it. In the dorm, I get my freshly boiled water from the water heater in the kitchen. It tastes kinda funky if I wait for it to cool to room temperature, so I've taken to drinking it while still hot and tasteless. It's actually become a soothing bedtime ritual, to take noisy sips from my new BPA-filled plastic water bottle. My water bottle even has a name: Binie.