The best medicine

I am thrilled to report that I have survived, unscathed, an important rite of passage on the way to adapting to life in China. It's the test that separates the weak from the strong, the men from the boys. Yes: I have made it through my first bout of Chinese food poisoning.

In hindsight, the fact that my friend and I were the only customers in the restaurant should have been a warning sign, but in our fervent desire to consume as many dumplings as humanly possible, I guess we were willing to overlook anything.

My crippling stomach pain first exhibited itself an hour later, and grew to such an intensity that it not only prevented me from getting a good night's sleep that night, but also caused me to lose the entire contents of my stomach (I'll spare you the details of how exactly that happened), and by the next morning I was a pathetic mess, severely dehydrated, undernourished, and unwilling to leave my bed except to dash to the bathroom.

Lucky for me, I live on a medical campus. All of my friends either have completed or are in the midst of their medical training. My room temporarily turned into a private hospital ward. At one point, I was lying in bed as five medical students stood over me discussing my symptoms and trying to agree on a treatment plan. Nurses ran in and out, bringing me food and water and tucking me into bed.

One thing they all agreed on right away: the road to recovery is paved with drugs. Within a few short hours, I was in possession of no fewer than five pharmaceutical products, including two mystery packets of traditional Chinese medicine, two distinct types of broad-spectrum antibiotics, and a small brown bottle of foul smelling liquid. I was able to politely decline the antibiotics, and the foul smelling liquid came up almost as soon as it went down, but the mystery packets went in and stayed in. It may be best that I never know what that white powder was, but when mixed with some hot water, it calmed me right down and finally let me nap in peace for a while.

When I woke up, my friend decided it would be a good time to introduce me to an old friend of hers who lives on a different campus, and just happened to be in the area. In fact, he was waiting right outside, and she excitedly led him into my room. I could tell right away that he was impressed by my chunky pajama pants, pink turtleneck, and vomit-crusted hair. And the look in his eyes as he looked around my room and took in the various drug wrappers, abandoned bowls of dining hall food, and clothing-covered furnishings enthusiastically said "I love what you've done with the place." After a quick introduction, my friend put him to work washing dishes in my shower, refiling my hot water bottle, and taking out the garbage. Sadly, he had to leave for class before he could mop the floor. I got the impression it was an especially interesting class though, because he seemed quite eager to show up early.