Social Lubricant

To survive socially in China, I have found that you must have at least a rudimentary knowledge of Chinese card games. In Shandong, one of the most popular games is a complicated game for six players that involves the use of no less than four decks of cards. Needless to say, I have failed to master this game. Instead, I focus my efforts on the most popular game in the country, “Land Owner”, a simple three-player game very similar to the American game “Asshole”. Ever true to their Communist roots, the Chinese version entails one person being assigned the powerful role of Land Owner, while the other two “citizens” work together to prevent him from winning.

Playing cards is an essential part of traveling by train. Not only does it offer relief from the relentless tedium, but it also provides a service to those around you by presenting them with five-star entertainment. The sound of cards being shuffled is seemingly irresistible to anyone within a twenty foot radius—an audience gathers fast, and onlookers are not content to just watch, they also offer unsolicited advice on strategy. I once had the honor of having an eight year old boy lead me in a five game winning streak. It was a humbling experience.

If you plan on playing cards in China, in addition to the rules of the game, it is also important to know how to place your cards on the table. A casual toss or flick of the wrist is unacceptable, as is a crisp and precise placement in the middle of the pile. No, when playing Chinese cards, only a triumphant slapdown will win you respect. I’m talking a ninety-degree rotation of the shoulder, from above your head to the table, and a resounding smack when the card hits the table. Bonus points if you inadvertently send already-played cards flying to the floor with the force of your play.

As an indicator of my elevated social status, I have played cards in all manner of locales, including on a boat:

On a mountain:

and by a river:

Tomorrow morning I will be boarding a train headed to Kaifeng, the ancient capital of China. In preparation for the journey, I have purchased a new deck.