Ahhh. To be a Chinese child.
The fun starts right at birth when, instead of being burdened with diapers, Chinese babies are simply clothed in pants with a convenient slit in the buttocks region. In the pre-walking months, parents will simply dangle their child butt-down over the desired location. Once they're old enough to toddle around on their own, they can squat for themselves whenever nature calls. In addition to the toilet, the street, sidewalk, and local greenery are all fair game.
Kids in China also enjoy an elevated social status. Unlike American children, who are unwelcome in many restaurants and are often subjected to either looks of disgust and pointed comments, or awkward encounters with adults who are uncomfortable interacting with humans under twenty years of age, Chinese children are treated like national treasures. Everyone enjoys hanging out with and joking around with kids, from the hardened wannabe tough guy to groups of cliquey teenagers. On my last train ride, two college-aged boys spent a full hour speaking in squeaky voices pretending to be the popular cartoon character "Happy Lamb" in order to engage the interest of a stray child running around the car.
Happy Lamb
Children are also a regular fixture at most restaurants. Instead of being condescendingly handed a children's menu and crayons, Chinese children are expected to partake of "adult food", which, to their credit, they seem to enjoy immensely.
The only apparent downside to being a Chinese child is that physical punishment is freely embraced. Until recently, teachers were encouraged to hit their students for misbehavior or forgetting a lesson. Spankings and violent yankings are commonplace. And a popular discipline tactic appears to be an exaggerated bout of animated high-pitched scolding, seemingly intended more to shock and embarrass the miscreant than to impart any information. Moreover, this scolding can come from any nearby adult; it is not limited to the parents of the child in question.
These discipline tactics appear to be quite effective, as the children I have had the pleasure to interact with have all been quite spirited and fun, from the charismatic seven-year old who administered me an English test, to the boy who enjoyed wearing his baby sister's lingerie-type silk bib while using his plastic Transformer figure to wage war on unsuspecting adults.
This youngster also enjoyed standing on the roof of his house and urinating into the family courtyard, a hobby that I'm sure will win him points with the ladies when he gets older.
I have also learned a lot about fashion from observing Chinese children. If and when I ever have children of my own, I fully intend to dress them in this:
I am also fond of the ever-classy mother-daughter matching pajamas look.
Clearly my experience abroad will be put to good use in the future.
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