A List

After two weeks at home for the holidays, I'm heading back to Jinan tomorrow. Here are a few American things that I'll miss:

Clean roads, sidewalks, and floors
There's a reason the Chinese take their shoes off when they get home. It's because the ground of any public place in China is used to dispose of fruit pits, spit-out seed husks, crusted food wrappers, used bamboo skewers, mucus, and old tea leaves, among other things.

Cheese
Shredded, melted, sliced, and with crackers.

Being little
In the U.S., I generally shop in the "petite" section and wear a size small or extra small. In China, shopkeepers have to scrounge in the back to find a "large" for me, because it's rare that they encounter someone as enormous as I am. I have also been forced to stop wearing my 1.5 inch heels because they cause me to tower over some of my male friends. Which is just awkward.

Shopping
Yes, things are cheaper in China. But the fashions there are weird, and you have to try things on in a crowded little space behind an old curtain that the shopkeeper will hold up for you. It's not uncommon for the shopkeeper to watch you change, and once I accidentally made eye contact with a curious stranger while I was half naked behind the sheet. Again: awkward.

Mixed drinks
I don't want to be forced to drink any more Tsingdao beer or disgusting bai jiu (like vodka, but with a bad taste). I'd much rather sit around with friends sipping screwdrivers or margaritas at my leisure.

The New York Times
Word on the street is that while I've been gone, the Chinese government went and blocked access to the NYT. What will I do without my main source of news??

Smoke-free environments
Most Chinese men smoke. Usually, this smoking is confined to restaurants and balconies, but I am lucky enough to share an office with an indoor smoker. He is actually very considerate and will only smoke inside when he's alone in the office, but still, the office doesn't have great ventilation, so the smoke is often hanging in the air waiting for me, even if the original cigarette is long gone.

Wide open spaces
Even Florida in snowbird season is considerably less crowded than Jinan on a normal day. And come on, Jinan just doesn't have places like this: