Apple a Day

This is Dr. Yi, one of the many village doctors that I met on my recent survey of China's rural areas.

In addition to enjoying the occasional slice of watermelon, he has the unique ability of making every child in the village cry on sight, probably because of his professional love of needles. He is also a favorite among the men in the village because of his tendency to hand out free cigarettes.

My interactions with him and other village doctors have taught me quite a lot about basic health care. Never one to deprive others of valuable health tips, let me share what I have learned.

- An effective cure for the common cold is an IV injection of sugar water.

- Antibiotics are a good way to both treat and prevent diarrhea.

- Flies do not pose a health risk and should be welcomed at the local clinic.

- Two pills are more effective than one; three pills are more effective than two; and four pills are more effective than three.

- When you have your period, you should:

+ Never ever exercise or engage in strenuous activity of any kind.

+ Avoid consuming any food or beverage that is not steaming hot (including water).

+ Drink a concoction of brown sugar and water to ease cramps.

- An appropriate nomiker for a bipolar patient is "the psycho".

With these tips in mind, who's up for a stay at the village health center?

Or how about the fever ward of the local hospital?

Personally, I may opt for the proverbial apple instead.